Feeling a little better tonight now after yesterday evening. I realised that I never actually got to the point of what happened to me last night. In truth, there was not a thing I could have done about it this time. The girl that I had planned to ask out this week, Maddy, turned out to be in a strange kind of relationship with one of the other guys that my group of friends seems to hang out with, though not as often this year, it seems. From what I can gather, the two of them are not in a proper relationship per se, but are more like Sex Buddies. As a virgin, this is not something I can compete with. At all. And that hurt. More than I thought it would.

But I think I'm okay with it now. Things have certainly moved on from that first time in Sixth Year. It is not the only time though that I have tried since. Last year, I joined the Rifle Club here in College. It was something that I had always really looked forward to doing when I actually got to 3rd Level, my Dad had always sung its praises. I managed to show a bit of skill handling the Air Rifles, and I was given a place on the Novice Squad, which would compete later in the Year against one of our Rival Colleges.

It was some time after Christmas that one of the other members of the Squad managed to find the time to get down to the weekly training sessions. Her name was Aoife, and everything about her seemed perfect. She was smart, funny, and had this bubbly personality that made me forget all my troubles. Being the Beta Male that I am, I was never able to work up the courage to do anything, but on the Colours Trip, we both got very drunk, and things almost happened. I stress the almost part of that sentence, I think there may have been too much alcohol consumed by both parties, since she spoke French the entire night, and I could barely stand. But after that, we started texting. Nothing particularly big, just a little bit of finding out about each other, a little bit of harmless flirting i thought. But when I managed to work up the courage to actually act on my feelings, the moment had passed. The spark that may have been there had guttered out, leaving a little embarrassment with both of us. The texting kinda stopped after that failed attempt, and has since never happened again. I'd like to blame something else, or someone else in this instance, but I'm sure that if I had acted earlier, I would have gotten a better response from her. I hope.